Every now and then I get a wake-up call— whether from a health issue of my own or that of a loved one, or of our nation or our planet, or from something I’ve read or heard— that maybe I can’t save the world. It always comes as a surprise that I’ve slipped back into savior mode— or if not savior, then perhaps Chief Operating Officer. That’s when I remember letting go.
Years ago I didn’t even realize I needed to let go. Oh, I guess I did, but it took a long, long time to actually begin to do it. By now, I’ve had so many insights into how I practice holding on, so much excellent advice from Scripture and spiritual directors and friends and writers and homilists and my husband, so many nudges from the Holy Spirit (not to mention so many opportunities to practice!!) that I’ve become quicker to actually let go, or at least to loosen my grip, and even to give thanks for the thing that was upsetting me.
One particular letting-go-with-thanksgiving happened a few years ago when I began to experience tinnitus. Much to my distress, this time it appeared to be around to stay, and I finally realized that I needed to just accept it. So I asked God how I could see this constant irritant as a blessing. What occurred to me was that this crickety sound was ever-present, so whenever I noticed it I could move my awareness to God, Who is always with me. I actually laughed out loud when this thought occurred to me. What was a “curse” became a blessing. By now it’s so automatic that on the rare occasions when I notice the sound, I can let it go and be thankful again.
Recently I realized that, after the Covid-time of pulling back from many normal activities, I’d filled up my schedule again. I was no longer spending so much time at home with my husband and simply enjoying retirement. A health challenge served as a wake-up call, and I began to see that I needed to let go of some of the things I’d begun doing again as well as some new things I’d agreed to. This time, letting go was relatively easy. Once I realized what had happened, I intuitively knew what to let go first, and next, and next, and so on. Now I can give thanks because the health issue is well managed, and so is my schedule.
Being a Martha, a doer with a keen sense of responsibility, is part of my personality, and I can give thanks for that, too. But now I can see that “Mary” is sitting down and saying she likes it. She’s going to stay put as long as her Lord is speaking. She’s going to let go of the chores and activities that aren’t on her God-given agenda. I’m with her, letting go and letting God, thank you very much!
