Despite its difficulties these days, I like very much, being a man. Yes… I said the “M” word out loud. If gasping in shock is required here then go right ahead. Traditional manhood has been under attack for the last 30 years or so; ever since the sexual revolution. That “revolution” is a whole other topic for another time. For now, let’s stick with being a man in today’s popular culture; a subject that is now, for all kinds of bad reasons, fraught with peril. C.S. Lewis said, “We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.” It has become unpopular, to say the least, in the last several decades, to be traditionally manly, or masculine. Today the term “toxic masculinity” is bantered about. Now, nobody likes toxic things, but then that terminology implies that somewhere, there is a masculinity that is not toxic. That masculinity, that manhood, is what I’m attempting to discuss here.
To discuss any topic, typically one begins from the definition of that topic. Well, even that has become problematic today. We have allowed defining men as men and women as women to become chaotic to say the least. You’d think that nature had already made that decision as clear as possible… right? Well, not so much… at least for a small but vociferous portion of people. Don’t let them make you “trade the truth for a lie”, as Saint Paul said. To keep things simple here, we’ll start from what the natural law says a man is, at least biologically.
On the basis of understanding that men are men and women are women and that although God created them equal (“…bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”) He did NOT, however, create them the same. To each of them He gave particular attributes… gifts, if you will. He did not give one more gifts than the other. We were created to be complementary to one another; even dependent upon one another. Indeed, one cannot survive without the other. Unfortunately, we have allowed evil to pit us against one another (Gen 3:16-19). We have allowed our complementarity to become competition instead. Divide and conquer… that’s what evil does.
We want something (we FEEL we should have it) and so rather than attempting to discern God’s will as to whether or not He wants us to have that thing, we simply take. It’s been going on for a long time. We took the fruit in the garden of Eden and it’s been a difficult road ever since. We let our will be driven by our feelings rather than attempting to align it with God’s will. Acting only on the basis of our feelings lowers us to the realm of the animals. Animals act instinctively. They have no sense of whether a thing is right or wrong…only what they want. God gave human beings a will and an intellect and the ability to reason. These things He intended for us to use in concert in discerning the choices set before us and aligning ourselves to His will. These things separate us from the merely animal realm of being. The gifts of will, intellect and reason are present in both men and women, but even that doesn’t make us the same; equal yes… same… no.
So, what does authentic masculinity or manhood look like? Think Saint Joseph, head of his family despite the strange nature of how they came together. He acted in concert with God’s will. Think Saint Peter. Despite his failings and cowardice at times, ultimately, when he aligned himself to God’s will, he became all God meant for him to be; the leader of the Church on Earth. Think Saint Paul; originally a persecutor of Christians; but when his intellect and reason brought him to alignment with God, Saint Paul set about bringing all people to Christ. It’s no accident that God gave us these and so many other examples of saintly men. God knew we would need these examples. Ultimately God gave us His Son. Christ was teacher, carpenter and ultimately, sacrifice. At Gethsemane Christ was so anxious, He sweat blood but kept His will aligned with that of the Father and forever changed the world. He didn’t allow His life to be taken. He gave it.
None of these men were knuckle-dragging Neanderthals with puffed up egos and expensive toys. Nor were they emasculated, effeminate, timid or indifferent. Yes, they were wrong from time to time. Joseph was planning to divorce Mary, Peter was scared of a maid in the courtyard of the high priest and Paul stood by and watched as Saint Stephen was stoned to death. However, when they aligned their will with that of God, things were set aright in their lives. Notice I didn’t say they had easy lives. True manhood, masculinity, manliness is rarely easy, but it’s always possible. At the heart of it are the four cardinal (Latin for “hinge”) virtues of prudence, justice, temperance and fortitude. Be a man, and just to surprise the women in your life, ask for directions… from God.
Gaudete in Domino Semper!
