Ever since Labor Day weekend 2001, my husband and I have been sharing a practice we learned from Father Matt Linn, SJ at a retreat at BTSR: the Ignatian examen. I can always remember the date, because it was right before that horrific September 11, when we badly needed to remember to be grateful for our blessings. As Father Matt suggested, we began sharing our daily “most gratefuls” before we went to bed each night. As we did, we felt calmed and comforted by the goodness in our lives, even as we grieved and prayed for so many others and wondered about the future.
According to Saint Ignatius Loyola, the examen has several steps, but Father Matt gave us a simple formula for getting at the heart of the practice: Just ask yourself (or a spouse or prayer partner), “What were you most grateful for today?” And then, “What were you not so grateful for?” Over time, he said, the things we’re most grateful for will show us where our true path lies—what God has built into us to desire, move toward, and thrive in. The “not so gratefuls” will show us what to seek healing for, or what we might want to move away from in our lives.
As we have done the examen prayerfully, thoughtfully, and consistently, my husband and I have learned many things about ourselves and about each other. We’ve grown in intimacy and, I believe, in wisdom and discernment. In fact, doing the examen helped me recognize the call to become a spiritual director. And the examen continues to help me see when I’m following a path of consolation and when I’m veering off the path—as my “not so gratefuls” clearly show me!
At another retreat by Father Matt, we learned about doing an annual examen, so we began doing that as well. Each year, sometime during the Advent or Christmas season, we review the previous year. This examen, which may take two or more hours, helps us recall the blessings of the entire year. Our annual examen last December was especially poignant, as we rejoiced again over how much we’d been blessed despite—and also because of—the restrictions of the Covid-19 pandemic, and grieved again over the sufferings of so many people.
We have both recommended the examen to many of our friends over the years. Sleeping with Bread: Holding What Gives You Life, by Father Matt and his brother and sister-in-law Dennis and Sheila Fabricant Linn, is a readable, charmingly illustrated introduction to the examen. If you read it, I’m betting it’ll be one of your “most gratefuls.”
